Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
