Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
