Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
