I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
