im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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