My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
