I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
