i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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Be still, my beating vagina.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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