two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
