her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
