I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
