apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
