Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
