Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
