guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So vagazzling was a success
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
