Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
