Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
