I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
