turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
