can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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