If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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