a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
