And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Actions speak louder than pants.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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