Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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