How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
