Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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