Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
