when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
