I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
