This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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