I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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