Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
