i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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