i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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