We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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