ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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