If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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