Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
