i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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