it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
