My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
