This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
