This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
