you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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