last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
