My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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