Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
