left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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