I'm jealous of your bromance
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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