roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
