well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
