i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
