This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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