Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
