I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
