Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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