If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
