Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
