We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
