Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
